I started this blog with my first official post on Tuesday, April 29. Being new to blogging, I was excited to be checking my stats and see how many people might visit my blog. I am proud to say that I had a pretty darn good opening day! It’s really exciting to see that people I don’t even know are reading and ‘liking’ what I post.
One of the features in the ‘Stats’ section is a part called “Search Engine Terms.” Here you can see what a person entered in a search engine that brought them to your site. I really didn’t expect to see anything in this section for quite some time. So, when I checked my Stats on Wednesday, you can imagine my excitement at seeing an entry here. That excitement quickly faded as I read what someone had searched:
Yes, you read that correctly: “how to kill myself and stll get life insurance.”
My heart still stops when I read those words. Those could be my words. At one time, I researched suicide to try to learn what works most often versus what isn’t worth trying. I also reviewed my own life insurance policy to see if it would still pay if I committed suicide.
I remember when doing those searches that I would quickly dismiss any sites that talked about reasons NOT to commit suicide. I didn’t want to hear any of that. Frankly, as I saw it at the time, all the reasons given were a piece of crap. I just wanted out of my pain and not a single reason given was a way to alleviate that pain. I just wanted a plan to end it all.
So when I see that someone who is in such pain has visited my site and read my post “Giving Up the Option of Suicide,” I am humbled to no end. It is very sobering. Somewhere in this plan to educate those that might not be personally familiar with the deep pain that depression can bring, I forgot about those that fully understand that pain…and are living it right now.
To the person that already visited because of an internet search and to the people that will come in the future, I write this:
I know you are in one of the loneliest places you have ever experienced in your life. You feel like those around you just don’t understand. You have a pain that just doesn’t have words enough to explain; and there seems to be only one way to end that pain.
Hear me when I say this, better days REALLY are ahead. I know the pain seems never ending, but it WILL end. You have to persevere…if for nobody else but yourself. You have great worth! You have not yet completed what you were placed on this earth to do.
I am praying for you. I do not pray that you will not take your life. Instead, I pray for God’s will to be done. I promise to pray this each time I write a post.
IF YOU ARE IN SUICIDAL CRISIS PLEASE CALL 800-273-TALK (8255).
If you have lost someone you love to suicide visit: