Do You Know Your Purpose?

mission

We all have those moments when we wonder just what our purpose is here on earth. As someone with depression and suicidal thoughts from time to time, the question sometimes gets modified. We begin to wonder if we have outlived our purpose. Is it possible to have outlived your purpose?

In mid-April 2010, I was really pondering this. I had just completed my fourth hospitalization in a psychiatric unit. I was homeless and I just didn’t know what was next in my life. I began to wonder if I had already fulfilled my purpose. After all, I had been an academic advisor for nearly 10 years and touched many, many lives already. Maybe my time was up.

The day after this was really weighing on my mind, I got on my computer and saw a quote on one of my regular websites:

Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t.

~Richard Bach

I’m sure this was all part of what would lead to giving up the option of suicide. While it felt like that decision was made in an instant, it is clear that there were other things happening and people entering my life that would lead up to that decision. (Read more about that here.)

A couple of weeks ago, June 13, 2014, I received a potentially life changing phone call that was another confirmation that perhaps I had not outlived my purpose on earth.

Because I did not recognize the number, I did not answer the call but immediately checked the voice mail:

“Criselda Marquez, this is Lisa with the National Marrow Registry. You signed up with us at Odessa College back in 1999 and you have come up as a possible match for a patient. We are doing some testing on the blood we have frozen but I want to ask you some health questions to see if you want to continue.”

HOLY COW!

I couldn’t return the call fast enough! Hell, yes, I want to continue!! My initial thought was that I could not pass up the opportunity to help someone have a better life.

After a little phone tag, I spoke directly with Lisa in Texas. She works for the National Marrow Donor Program, Be The Match. She was calling to inform me that I had been identified as a potential bone marrow match for a 25 year old young lady with leukemia. We spoke for a few minutes as she gave me a little more information, confirmed my contact information and we hung up.

All of the sudden it hit me…

If I had killed myself four years ago, as I so desperately wanted to do, I wouldn’t be around so that this young lady could possibly benefit from my life. This is HUGE! One friend couldn’t have said it better: To be able to do that for someone – one of life’s biggest joys. Kuddos my friend. You are here for a reason. God is not finished with you yet.

I passed the health questionnaire stage. After providing consent for further testing, we sit and wait. It could take 2-6 weeks for the next stage of testing to be completed. This will let us know if I am a true match for “Texas,” as I’ve named her. Even if I am not a match for “Texas,” because they have done the extra testing, I could be called again for someone else.

In reviewing their website, it appears that the age of the donor is pretty important in long term survival of the recipient. “Doctors request donors in the 18-44 age group over 90% of the time.” Guess how old I am…43. {shivers}

If it turns out I am a match, my donation will likely take place here in Indiana…unless I happen to be in Texas at the time. Depending on the donor center, I may be able to have anonymous communication with “Texas” for the first year after the donation. After that time, we would be allowed to reveal ourselves to each other. I truly hope this will be the case if I am a match. While not being able to get updates or have communication would not stop me from donating, I think I would feel like I was left ‘hanging’ by not knowing the outcome.

I will definitely keep you updated with any news.

I encourage you to consider supporting the cause in some fashion. Visit Be the Match’s website (http://bethematch.org/Support-the-Cause/) and learn about joining the registry, donating financially or donating cord blood of your soon-to-be-born baby.

 

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2 thoughts on “Do You Know Your Purpose?

  1. Pingback: Life Just Isn’t Fair | Embracing life: 4/29/10

  2. I go through these thoughts everyday.. have all of my life….. sometimes it’s harder than other times to come up with a reason…. why not today. Right now my reason is… if I do this now Satan will surely win and be laughing his ass off because I know that I was born to do damage to his kingdom.
    Plus since I have come out, I am determined to be a voice to the church for the gay community, and a voice of God to the gay community, and a voice of God to call the Bride of Christ to stand up and take its rightful place of authority and to the world.. to show forth the glory of God… that’s what I’m here for. To stand in the gap. To help people. To love people. To be the arms of God for people.
    I’ve got to right the book… “Seriously”
    “Thru My Father’s Eyes”

    On the “Be the Match” I signed up years ago.. I haven’t been called to do it yet…. but your post reminded me that I need to update my contact info.

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